Thursday, May 17, 2012

Team Mónica #3 -- STITCHING SNOW


STITCHING SNOW
YA Sci-Fi
69,000 words

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Essie knows how to stitch up robotic drones so the men in the mining settlement remember she’s worth keeping around. She knows how to use her fists to make sure they keep their hands off her. But all her self-preservation skills don’t tell her how to deal with Kyle, a boy who’s depending on her to get his crashed shuttle off the ground and out of orbit.

He’s polite, chivalrous, even a little charming, and he gives Essie the kind of attention she’s never had ... until he discovers her secret. She’s the missing princess of Windsong, nemesis of his home planet, Candara. One betrayal later, he’s taking her home whether she likes it or not, to exchange for Candarans held captive by Essie’s father. What Kyle doesn’t know is she had damn good reasons for running away. His ‘leverage’ means her death.

STITCHING SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues.


First page:

It took seventeen seconds to decide Jarom Thacker’s reputation as sharpest fighter on Thanda had been exaggerated. At twice my size—and age—he was still quick, forcing me to move or risk getting pinned against the cage. Like everyone else who came through Mining Settlement Forty-Two, though, he aimed for my gut. Never the most obvious target.
Wouldn’t want to botch the pretty girl’s face, right? Idiot.
I blocked him on the left but missed his fist slamming into me on the right. Pain flared through my ribs. The fire spurred me on, and I slipped Thacker’s grip when he grabbed at my arm.
Unlike him, I had no qualms about uglifying him further—not with the way he looked at me, the shudder it sent across my skin. The heel of my palm slammed into his nose with a satisfying crunch despite the cushioning of my shock-fiber handwraps. He ignored the blood and lunged blindly. An easy dodge, and I took the opening to knee his groin. When he doubled over, I kicked his legs from under him. He dropped and I followed, bracing my legs against his while my upper body pinned his shoulders. The shouts surrounding the cage crested as Thacker pushed against the threadbare mat. Before he could throw me off, I grabbed a fistful of his hair and slammed his head down.
“Three . . . two . . . one . . . fight goes to Forty-Two’s own Essie.”

32 comments:

  1. What do you mean *if* Snow White were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues?

    God, that last line if your query is basically my favorite thing I have ever read in life. (And the rest is pretty damn good too!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love Snow White in space. Brilliant. Go Team Monica!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay sci-fi! And chicks kicking ass in cage fights!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "STITCHING SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues."

    Can I just say that this line alone is enough to make me want to read this? Go Team Monica!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This. I'm sold. Sign me up, I want on this ride!

      Delete
  5. Snow White in space is all I needed to LOVE all of this. Seriously. Great voice, great query!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is one of those stories that I would normally not even be interested in and you make a complete convert out of me because the story is just that good!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Honey... you rock. That is a freaking awesome query and opening. So fascinated to see where it goes next.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOVE the last line of your query! The MC seems like a total badass--I'd follow her anywhere

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love the specificity you've worked into the query - and of course, THE CAGE FIGHT. All that's missing is the drones! :D Love it - GOOD LUCK!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sound so cool! I wish you luck, my dear. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is totally one of my favorites - I LOVE the the concept and the writing is fantastic. I hope you get a ton of requests!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Love Essie, love the premise, triple love the voice in the opening. So glad this one is in the running - I think it's going to be a big hit on Monday!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Neat twist on the old fairytale. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Still love this concept and would love to read more! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Great query...and I ADORE the title. I would definitely read this!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Snow White in space. There you go!

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Love both the query and the snippet - awesome writing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I remember this from the first round. Loved it then too! Great last line of your query. Great opening scene!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Your entire query letter rocks hard, but ending with this is brilliant: STITCHING SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues. Love that! I can't wait to read the entire thing!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Love this concept! Snow White in space! So cool. And I'm not even much of a sci-fi reader. But I'd pick this up! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I vote for you!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I WANT THIS NOW!!! I mean *ahem* I VOTE FOR YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  24. #3 STITCHING SNOW

    Query:

    You set up an intriguing world here and a feisty main character. I did assume in the first paragraph that the mining settlement was on earth, though, so if it’s on another planet, you might want to pop that in. (You might also want to pop a “that” into this sentence: “What Kyle doesn’t know is THAT she had…”)

    The final line is amusing, although I have to say that the plot presented in the query really didn’t make me think of Snow White at all.

    First page:

    Fight! Fight! =) I love getting thrown right into the action here, and getting to know Essie’s personality by seeing what goes through her mind as she fights. The writing is really strong and you do a great job of giving us glimpses of the world we’re in (“Settlement Forty-Two,” “shock-fiber handwraps”) without hitting us over the head with it. I think that this is really nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Snow White in space is pretty intriguing. I actually laughed out loud at that. Your query is awesome, nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Congrats on landing an agent! This does indeed sound amazing!!!

    ReplyDelete